The pain is killing me.

Heartache, i'm really am. How i wish i was strong enough to never let my tears drip down. How i wish i am cheerful enough to never be sad. I dont know what have i done wrong, to deserve this kind of treatment. I never had this kind of feeling before, until i really feel like giving up on myself. I hate to put on a smile & joke with others when i'm not happy at all. I hate to lock myself in my room & cry at one corner. I hate to keep everything to myself. I hate myself for being so soft-hearted. Always forgive so easily whenever you starts your sweet talk.

You asked me what do i expect from you, i know i've got alot to say but something is stopping me from saying. I just hope there's one day you would really listen to what i have to say & never argue. But i know that's impossible. I dont know how much i stand in your heart, i dont wish to guess it anymore. The more i wanna lead a happy life with you, the more disappointment i will get. Those words that you've used on me, they are so hard to be deleted.

Each time i saw lovely couples in the shop, you never know how envy i was. You told me, you are meeting her for lunch/dinner. & you said you will try to fetch me from work. After that you said most likely you are fetching me. But what happens in the end? You went drinking with her & you said you're not fetching me already. & this was the second time not meeting me because of her. I kept quiet, i dont have the courage to say it out. Like what you said, i'm creating problems. So i choose to keep quiet & pretend like a dumb fuck.

You've never try putting yourself in my shoes & think how i would feel. All you will do, was to blame me for everything.